My deepest fundamental apologies
And I could have lied
Having told something different than the truth
And maybe this is a last resort of redeeming myself.
Here on this barren path I am naked and alone
Being all alone with my sin and confession
Alone, feeling somehow scared.
I could have lied-
Making it not real – so much easier and bearable
Just closing my eyes and carry on.
Now, the truth is cutting, wounding me- making me bleed
I am paying the price.
I’m sorry for moments of :
Less time and attention;
my dear mother, my beloved wife, my family and friends
or just not coming home at all.
Sorry for not being able to hang around with you more;
staying a little longer and being a better brother-
me growing older..
For moments of being too focused
having my structure, my iron harsh will, being blunt
or just for screwing up.
Sorry for not committing to my vows.
I am sorry for finding my own path, my balance, my steps
where I learned, multiple times how it is to be distracted-
the hard way.
Finally I am sorry for not giving back, to the world-
of what I have harvested.
I could have lied
Not bleeding, not being a blinded fool, nor having struck by lightning-
Now with this burden I carrying on
Paying the price of my choices, my anchors and values
Paying the price for redemption.
What is the price?
At least not during the travel itself-
Maybe at the end.
But strangely I am not freighted, of not being spared
Now I walk the path of many-
the path of confession.
The good thing is; luckily I am human
Able and allowed to make mistakes, learning, better
And the good thing is-
There is soon a new morning
Where for sure lie new chances, possibilities and potential
Let’s reach out for this new dawn.
~ The first step in a person’s salvation is the knowledge of their sin ~